This is not a blog experiment post

Today was going to be a review of the latest blogging experiment (how to grow your blog traffic). I’m going to add another week onto the current experiment with blogger communities. I started late due to sicknesses and the like ravaging the household.

In fact here’s an example of what the week’s been like. These are a few highlights from one stirling 24 hr period.

Child: “Hey mum, here’s something for you!” I’m given a peagreen, recycled paper envelope with a small bulky object inside.

Me: “Wow! I can’t wait to see what it is! I’ll open it when we pick your little sisters up.”

I wonder what it could be? I’m thrilled said child has spent time making something for me, it’s been a long couple of weeks with hubby overseas and it’s stuff like this that makes all the effort so very much worth it. I am freaking rocking this motherhood thing.

I pull over and open the envelope. It’s a tissue covered in globules of dried blood. And a molar. Child now wants it back so they can give it to the tooth fairy. And the envelope. And tissue.

At midnight I get skyped by hubby to say hi. I’m half asleep but begin a riveting tale of domestic life in the past week. The connection disappears 5 seconds into the convo. At least, I think it was the connection.

Asleep again.

Child: “Mum.”

Me: “Snort. Gurgle. Wah?”

Child: “I threw up on my bed.”

Of course you did child from the top bunk.

Vomitus deposit sorted, I creep back past the baby who is asleep in her cot near my bed. She’s sleeping like a yogi – sitting but folded over with her head between her feet. Breathing? Yup. I leave her to it.

Sweet slumber.

Child: “Mum.”

Me: “OMG, what’s happening??”

Child: “Snngirrulqbeeeeeeeria”. Ah, it’s the three year old.

I hold her hand and try to whisk her supportively yet furtively out of the room so yogi babe doesn’t wake.

Child: “Bacgggaruratch”. I dutifully scratch her back, then stand on something plastic and unnecessarily vicious before kneeing a chair, banging my hip on the corner of the desk and headbutting some shelves as I try to find the dolly she’s so loudly desperate to have all of a sudden.

Creep past baby to sleep.


Child: “It’s me.” She’s trying to whisper but I just end up with spittle all over the side of my face.

I escort the 3 year old back to bed again, batch her scrack, goodnight say, baby creep bed sleep.


Child: “Hi”

Me: “Fuggle ma guggle.”

Child: “Hey what time is it? Is it time to get up yet? I don’t know where my watch is.”

Me: “It’s 5 o’clock.”

Child: “Oh”

Child: “…”

Child: “Soooo, I can’t get up yet?”

Me: “Guh”

Asleep before the eldest child leaves the room.

Child: “Mumumumummmmummmummumumumumumumumumumumum. MUMUMMMMMUMMMUM. MMMMUMUMUMUMUMUMUMUM!!!!

I get the baby and bring her into bed for a feed. My eyes flicker for a few seconds then I roll over into a puddle of pee.

So, no. No blog experiment post today.

Parenting fail. Kid eating food off the floor.  Sigh.  A manic mama's 24 hrs of sleep deprivation via
Yep, that’s one of the kids eating chips off the 60yo carpet in the hallway outside the bathroom. Did I mention the house is over a 100yo and in a state of long-term pre-renovation? Champion mothering moment.

baby with a trail of tissues behind her

Babies and tissues go together like Hansel and Gretel go with crumbs. Get your grubby little hands off the wine baby and get dressed, it’s after lunch! There’s nothing wrong with brown vinyl.


    • Lisa says

      Haha – I’m looking forward to normal too Julie! Ahh, the sweet bliss of blogging communities and analysis..

    • Lisa says

      Thanks Helen – the joys of motherhood indeed. It’s a strange comfort knowing that we’ve all been there!

  1. says

    Is this supposed to put people off having children and husbands that travel? Mission accomplished!
    I’m sorry your week has been so crappy. Are you at least able to come to the #bloggersbrunchclub this weekend or are you too busy? I imagine you’ve got loads to do!

    • Lisa says

      Hahahahahahah! Mate, it’s put ME off!! Can’t do the brunch on Sunday unfortunately it’s a munchkin’s birthday so I’ll be having coffee at Chipmunks or Lollipops instead. Jealous much??? You guys should totally shift the bloggers brunch to a kids indoor playground and hang out with screaming little peeps.

  2. says

    Ahhh that is so much going on for you guys! Your poor kids–but they seem to have such an awesome and funny momma. 😉 Your writing cracks me up and although the content is sad, the narrative is too funny! Hope today goes well for ya.

    • Lisa says

      Haha – they’re great kids even though they don’t appreciate the value of sleep for their mama as much as I’d like them too.

      Thanks! Hey I was reading your post about letting babies roam – you’ll have seen from this post that the roaming will often end in ‘carpet plate’ eating and the like. Easily dealt with and worth the mini-dramas. Gating off the cat’s stuff sounds like a good idea.

    • Lisa says

      Hey Sarah! Geez I know. Now rolling around in pee and poo are the new normal. Just occasionally I’d like normal to involve champagne.

  3. says

    Oh i love it but hate it for you all the same. I’m,so sorry and have had those weeks myself. They are no fun, but the good news is, it made for a cute and funny blog post! ☺ hope this week goes better!

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